megastalin: (Default)
I have been gaming on a Mac. Yes, it's finally come to pass that you can play video games on a Mac. And the ones that are optimized for Apple's Metal graphic thing work really well.

I've played Resident Evil 4 Remake and Death Stranding. All in 1080p and 60-ish fps. This is hardly something to brag about in the PC world, but in the Mac world it's huge.

I really hope Apple keeps working at it. Perhaps in a few generations of the M chip, gaming on a Mac won't be a fun novelty anymore and a Mac release of AAA titles will just be expected and natural.
megastalin: (Default)

The danger of pseudo-freelancing or false contracting (where you're essentially an employee but for reasons such as you being in Serbia and the company being a virtual Estonian entity, they can't/won't hire you directly) is that once you're sick, where any normal European person can take a 2 month sick leave and the employer can't do shit about it, is that you get to ask only for accommodations.

And when the owner/CEO/HR person has had enough of accommodating you, you're gone.

Because you really need to know, is that all these fancy content marketing, AI whatever, founder-led startups will not work with sick people. The moment you get any kind of serious affliction, you're out.

megastalin: (main)
I would really love to find a psychiatrist and/or psychologist who understands that mental health care is essentially lifelong palliative care and doesn't traffic in sugar and rainbows.

It's really the worst aspect of this day hospital thing. The forced nicety, the implication that some kind of a great comeback, some transformation is just around the corner if only we try hard enough if only we believe.

But that's not what's around the corner. Around the corner are new challenges at best and devastating crises at worst. Why pretend otherwise?

I firmly believe that once this civilisation returns to some form of rationality (which has, to put it lightly, fallen out of style worldwide) all of these therapeutic practices will be revised and most of them will cease to exist.

I keep looking at people here, they seem not all that responsive, kind of out of it. And I think to myself, surely they must have been admitted a few weeks before I did, this is the start of their treatment. But then the next day, I find out they've been here for 2 and half a months and are being released the next day!

They come in banged up, they leave banged up. The entire focus is on the process, not the outcome.

Psychiatry as it is now is like the astronomy of old before the heliocentric system. These astronomers, despite their fundamentally wrong model, were able to make accurate but limited predictions of the motions of the stars. So can psychiatry get the patient back from the ledge, with medication, with deep-sounding truisms (that don't stand up to further scrutiny) but can do little else in terms of elevating the patient's quality of life.

Why is this so? Because psychiatry is essentially solipsistic, it doesn't concern itself with the outside world, with social relations, or even the bare necessities of social life. No, as far as a psychiatrist is concerned, only you and your psyche exist. And once we get it somehow in order, while it being an open secret that we can't get it in order, something will mystically transform.

Eventually, soon, in a few centuries tops, this will be replaced with a kind of Marxist psychiatry that will center mental illness where it needs to be centered - in the society and group that generated the malady in the first place. It will be revealed that no mind or body is a wrong mind or body requiring medicalisation (in the broadest term, I don't mean just taking meds) but understanding and above all grace.

Until then, people like me, and there are so many of us, are left to contend with a system that we need to make us barely functional and alive, but that doesn't help otherwise and that's worse -- a system that is fundamentally violent and cruel and won't hesitate to punish you at a mere perception of being not quite contrite enough as you receive its ministrations.
megastalin: (Default)
Sometimes I feel various presences. Most of the time I don’t think they’re evil or malignant, as there are so many entities around us it wouldn’t even make sense so like why care so much? The entities cannot speak except in dreams. Recently I had a dream of people screaming and it was a scary dream. In this dream people would just go about their normal lives and suddenly start screaming as if something horrendous was happening but it wasn’t. Or was it?
Well for course because in my dream I saw The Real. And if you’ve read your Lacan like I certainly haven’t read youd know that this isn’t something you want to ever see. The Real is real and really dangerous. We’re always orbiting it inventing fantasies to shield us from it.

A banal example: who gets the job? The real answer: whomever the recruiter likes best. But that’s not pleasant to think about and therefore we’ve constructed entire rituals to shield us from this. The tailoring of the CV, the wording of the cover letter the better dress nicely and be nice and answer the questions! But the person interviewing you has decided within the first couple of minutes of they’ll let you through. I know this because I was one of those people for a while.

So, those screaming people were seeing the real. Oh what horrors they must have seen. Anyway, good night.
megastalin: (yugo)
I'm haunted by ghosts right now, ghosts of past friendships and relationships. These people have long gone and yet they keep existing.
In this blog I will try to exorcise ghosts, organize my thoughts on the intersection of current events and my interests and present to you exactly how my interests align and predict what's going on. I will prove to you conclusively that I am Cassandra but you will not believe it, such is the nature of the curse.
More than anything else, more importantly, most importantly, we'll conduct our writing experiment with dignity and sexiness, the way God intended and demands.

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Nikola

June 2025

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